Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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