Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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