im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
