It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
