After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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