I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
