i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
