WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
