Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You ate ashes out of my bong
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
