If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
