Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
