Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
