you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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