Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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