No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
