hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
