I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
