so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize