"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
