remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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