I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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