meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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