At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone came in the potted fern
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
