Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
