I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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