okay pat passed out under dana's car
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
