Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
