i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
