i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
