but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize