is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
