Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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