Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
