You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
