so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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