You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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