The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
