hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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