I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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