Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
