Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
