either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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