if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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