So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
