I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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