worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
