So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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