Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
