there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
