There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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