Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
