He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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