Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
