you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
