Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
