Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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