somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and she was petting her beer can
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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