he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
