Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize