Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
