i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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