Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How does one acquire holy water?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
