ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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