I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
