somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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