I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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