She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
