I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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