I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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