What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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