I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
