he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
