Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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