my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
